April 15, 2022

Good Friday 2022

This year Araella shares April 15th with the same day we remember what our Savior and King did in order that we may have hope. I have so many revelations and encouragements swirling around in my mind to share, but I can’t seem to find the words today… And so, I will share some of Rae’s words for now.

Araella was studying the Psalms and the book of Romans during the weeks leading up to having to leave Waynesburg University on April 9th. She had made the brave decision to fulfill her purpose at WU with the help of her Jesus and had a plan to stay there until she was called to heaven. Araella’s prayer journal is a beautiful conversation with Jesus filled with joy for the gift of each new day. When she prayed for relief from pain, the next day she was praising for answered prayer. With each entry Rae seemed to be drawing closer and closer to Him. Araella was in a good place. A really good place. And leaving threw her off a little bit.

There was a little fear and uncertainty - and a lot of prayer that first night home. The next day, April 10th, was a day that was still being controlled by our flesh and my desire to somehow calm the storm. I did my best to arrange appointments and make Rae comfortable but the attempts were demonstrations of my love at best, but more likely raindrops that were adding to the darkening clouds hovering above. We drove to our first oncology appointment on April 11th, and after we parked, while leaning back in the passenger seat, with her eyes closed and with a peace that truly passed understanding written all over her face, Rae let us know that she didn’t need a doctor because she was going to heaven. The dark clouds vanished and the pending storm dissipated.

It didn’t make a lot of sense from an earthly perspective, but from that moment on, we drew close to Jesus with Rae. We read the Word out loud and worshipped along with the songs she had chosen in her “be still and listen” and “what a beautiful name” playlists on spotify. It’s hard to describe other than to say that for most of Araella’s remaining time on earth, we were living in the spirit and not the flesh.

On the evening of April 11th, while Araella still had the strength to give voice to her thoughts, she asked us about our favorite parts of the Bible and she shared one of hers. She asked us, Do you believe in Romans 8:11?” We read it together and told her we did. Araella was patient with us as we prayed for the healing of her body. And then she asked us again, “Do you really believe Romans 8:11?” She asked us over and over actually. I wish I had read it over and over with her so that together we could have talked about what she believed about her future.

(If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. Romans 8:11 ESV)

After April 15, 2018, I began to practice believing in eternal life by wondering about it and by searching for it in the Word. Rae’s glimpses of heaven were a gift that started me on the most incredible journey of hope and a more intimate ongoing understanding of the greatest gift ever given to mankind.

Two of Rae's prayers dated March 24, 2018 and March 27, 2018

And Rae's sweet voice singing Peace Be Still (The Belonging Co) when she picked up the guitar for the first time during her Spring Break in March 2018.

The Truth Will Set You Free

“People are broken and we live in a broken world” … Out of a desperate attempt to understand what was happening around me and to empathize with others, I have said something along those lines quite a few times in 2021. I think it came from a good place in my heart, yet as I reflect on the past year I believe it is a statement that actually diminishes the truth about the children of God and the world.

Taking this a step further, I reflect on some of sweet Araella’s final words ♡ It is true that her body was broken – because of the darkness in the world - but she certainly was not broken! She believed that God would save her. She told a few people that stood beside her as she was fading away that she still believed that and she asked us if we believed Romans 8:11. (Sometimes the mysteries of God are difficult to understand from the perspective of brokenness and flesh… That moment has played over and over again in my mind and I am sure in the minds of the three people who were there with us. Final words are enduring…)

Today I was reading Timothy - the apostle Paul’s last recorded words - and it came as no surprise to me that his words reminded me of Araella’s ♡ Paul also believed he would be saved by God!!! (Although writing from prison and awaiting execution.) The entire letter is a timely message, but some of his last words were, “ The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen!” (I felt like there should be an exclamation point at the end of that verse - 2 Timothy 4:18.)

So, instead of spending so much time trying to understand what is happening in the broken world around me, my resolution is to boldly speak the Truth more often. To answer the everyday, “How are you?” with the Truth - even when it is difficult to see. Some of Rae’s friends in college periodically ask me to pray that they would be more bold. I think I get it now. May we boldly proclaim the Truth that was spoken by our Savior and is written in the WORD.

 

I am saved!

I am Redeemed ♡

I am Chosen

I am bought with a price

I was lost, but now I’m found 

I am heir to a Kingdom

 

Add to the list ♡ And please reach out if you would like to know where these truths and more are found in the Bible. I would love to help you find His promises to you ♡ 

 

#TheTruthWillSetYouFree

 

Araella’s Instagram post from 12/31/2017 (73 days before Heaven)

 

Best Gift Ever

God is going to hand me an inheritance someday. 'It is the Father’s good pleasure to GIVE me the Kingdom' (Luke 12:32). I have been reading the book Heaven, by Randy Alcorn, and the chapter I read today explored the promise of how we will reign in the Kingdom (the New Heavens and New Earth) as co-heirs with Christ – FOREVER. I mean, wow - that all sounds magnificent, but it is pretty hard to grasp, isn’t it?

 

Then, I had an epiphany! (I love it when that happens.)

 

This past Christmas, my little brother handed me an envelope. Inside was a note and the key to his old VW bus. Can I just tell you that was, undisputedly, one of the best moments of my entire life! Pure JOY and gratitude beyond compare. I mean, other than the gifts Jesus received from the wise men when he was on this earth, BEST GIFT EVER, right?! (Until Luke 12:32 is realized.)

 

Now, let me add a little reality to this picture for you. Upon receiving the key, that VW bus was stationary in my parent’s barn where it had been for 15 years. It was covered in dust and droppings, the tires were cracked, and it didn’t run. But none of that mattered. Not one bit! In my hand was the key to a promise of potential and purpose.

 

I do believe that joy-filled reception moment, the journey of possessing that gift thus far, and all the prospects the bus provides for the future, is a tangible way to understand the unfathomable and glorious gift of the Kingdom of Heaven.

 

Just like my brother gave me a key, God is going to give me a place in His Kingdom. And, just as the bus is a gift that requires work, reigning in His Kingdom will provide endless opportunities to participate in GOOD works. (Works that we were created for. Works that we long for.) Just like the bus will, hopefully, get better and better with time, reigning in His Kingdom will ensure exuberant and expanding experiences for eternity.

 

Maybe someday I will drive saints to another galaxy in a VW bus of sorts. What an honor it would be to serve God by joyfully serving others as an driver in the Kingdom of Heaven! Alright, I know we will probably not require vehicles there, but maybe we will still travel together as a way to enjoy fellowship. I can’t imagine Heaven without having the opportunity to go on another road trip with Araella, a few pets, a lot of laughter, singing, and discovering new places. Ah yes, that would be heavenly. I think wondering about the New Heavens and the New Earth should fill me with as much hope as thinking about a VW bus here.

Heavenly Father, I pray that Your Kingdom will come soon - and, I pray that until it does, the hope of Your Kingdom will fill us all with wonder and peace that passes earthly understanding. Amen.

x

Reckless Love

This post is in loving memory of Araella, who left this world to live where He is three years ago today.  I hope her voice brings you peace and reminds you of His voice.

Rae recorded a song on April 6, 2018.  If I remember correctly, her roommates told me that after Easter weekend, Araella began to spend more time going to a room in the chaple where she could play and sing alone.  (Reminds me of Jesus going to the garden to pray.)  The song that Rae recorded on April 6th was "Reckless Love." A song with lyrics Araella had been contemplating for a while...  I think she talked about the lyrics with her friends from Upper Room.   I know we talked about them.  And we talked about the parable of the Shepherd leaving the 99 sheep for the 1.  After that conversation I often reminded Araella that she was the 1 He would leave the 99 for 💛

Araella's prayer journal indicates that she knew her healing might be heavenly.  She knew each day was a gift and that she may not have many days left.  Her prayers indicated that she had pain.  And yet, on April 6th she sang to God about how He was so, so good to her.  So, so kind to her.  It made me cry every time I heard it and that is why I haven't shared it before now.  I didn't want to make you sad.  But as my mom and dad and I listed and sang along with her last evening, I realized that Rae wouldn't have saved it on her phone and marked it as a favorite to make us sad!  I realized I was missing something.

So, after mom and dad left I sat with Araella's sweet voice and these lyrics for some time and I started to understand what she was declaring.  I think that even though Rae was being confronted by cancerous shadows, mountains, walls, and lies, she was also feeling pursued by God - who was fighting for her.  Rae felt pursued by God!  Wow.

I know you can't see her as she sings.  And I know the song ends abruptly.  But someday you can see her again!  And that day will never end.

As you listen to Rae's voice, remember you are the 1.  You are the 1 He would leave the 99 for 💜

"Before I spoke a word, You were singing over me
You have been so, so good to me
Before I took a breath, You breathed Your life in me
You have been so so kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99
And I couldn't earn it
I don't deserve it, still You give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God

When I was Your foe, still Your love fought for me
You have been so, so good to me
When I felt no worth, You paid it all for me
You have been so, so kind to me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99
And I couldn't earn it
I don't deserve it, still You give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God

There's no shadow You won't light up
Mountain You won't climb up
Coming after me
There's no wall You won't kick down
Lie You won't tear down
Coming after me

Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God
Oh, it chases me down, fights 'til I'm found, leaves the 99
I couldn't earn it, I don't deserve it, still You give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending reckless love of God"

Copyright information - The Song "Reckless Love" was written by Corey Asbury and released in 2018

The Reflective Rim of Paradise

My heart is filled with longing... Longing to hear Araella's music and her laughter. Longing to hear God's voice. And my heart is filled with love. For you. For each person who has held me in a prayer. For each person who shares my love for Rae ♡

Tonight I read Ecclesiastes 💛 In school, I am teaching 6th graders to write poetry 😊 I suppose this reflection is a collision of The Word and an attempt to practice what I teach.

"The Reflective Rim of Paradise"

It is written that

 Life is vanity

A mist

Filled with works

And pleasures

Light 

And darkness

It is written that 

Nothing changes

And chasing wind persists

It is written that

There is a time for everything

Even being forgotten

It is written that 

Eternity is in the heart

And numbered days are a gift

It is written that

Life is a shadow

Shifting between

Rebuke

Laughter

Folly

Wisdom

And seeking the Sun

So as to shine

But of finding only the silver lining 

The transient

Reflective rim

Of Paradise

It is written that

Dust returns to earth 

And that Life returns to God

Who gave it

For it is written that

In the beginning 

God breathed life into dust

The exhaled gift of God

Chased

Surrendered

And followed anew

Beyond the reflective rim

To Paradise

I love you.

Dancing on the Waves

John 17.  

Jesus interceding for us.  

Imagine His prayer as a song.  

I love to imagine this is what Araella heard 

before she left to walk on the water and dance on the waves.

On December 30, 2017, Rae wrote in her journal, 

"I am never going to die.  I already did.  I am just going to be with Jesus."

Today, I dare you to believe how much Jesus loves you.  
To see His love in everyone and everything. 
To know that He promises to be with you always.
And ultimately, to know that He desires for you to be with Him.

Dancing on the Waves

We The Kingdom 

I'm standing at your door

My heart is calling yours

Come fall into my arms

You're weary from it all

Been running for too long

I'm here to bring you home

I'm reaching out, I'll chase you down

I dare you to believe how much I love you now

Don't be afraid, I am your strength

We'll be walking on the water, dancing on the waves

Look up and lift your eyes

The future's open wide

I have great plans for you,  oh, yes, I do

Your past is dead and gone

Your healing has begun

I'm making all things new, ohh

I'm reaching out, I'll chase you down

I dare you to believe how much I love you now, ohh

Don't be afraid, I am your strength

We'll be walking on the water, dancing on the waves

Dancing on the waves

Can you see us just dancing?

I set every star into place

So you would remember my name

I made it all for you

You are my masterpiece

You are the reason I sing

This is my song for you

Every star in the sky

I set every star into place

So you would remember my name

I made it all for you

You are my masterpiece

You are the reason I sing

This is my song for you

John 17: 24-26

Father, I desire that they also, whom you have given me, may be with me where I am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world. O righteous Father, even though the world does not know you, I know you, and these know that you have sent me. I made known to them your name, and I will continue to make it known, that the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.”

Easter in Heaven

Araella joyfully put aside her school work to attend Good Friday worship service last year. It was such a blessing that Easter weekend was early. Rae was able to fellowship with family, to be in the pre-egg-hunt-cousin photos, and to celebrate the Hope of Heaven on Resurrection Sunday.

Shortly after Araella left earth, I decided I would put some of the annual Easter photos together in a memory book for my family. It was a bitter-sweet project that I kept postponing. The heaviness of knowing Rae would be missing from every Easter photo in the future, made it feel forlorn. Until one Saturday morning in February when I was nudged to create the gift so that it would be ready for this Easter. I searched for photos with the brightest smiles – photos of family loving each other. I included verses from God’s Word and some of Rae’s encouraging words from her last week on earth. I wanted the book to be warm and encouraging. In my mind, the last page would be the dated cousin photo from Easter 2018. But it was sad. Even Rae’s bright smile didn’t bring the comfort I had hoped it would. It needed a new ending.

I looked through the photos again - at the ones I had taken of just Araella. I hadn’t added any of those to the book, but for some reason, those images brought me peace. The last page I thought, I will put one of just Rae there - in black and white - maybe faded along with an “In Memory of Rae” caption or something… 

But when I clicked to type the caption, I listened to a whisper and I wrote something else. 💛 The joy captured in that still-shot moment wasn’t gone. The caption on the last page couldn’t mark an ending. It needed to celebrate a beginning. Yes, of course, we have a living hope! Jesus ransomed Rae. He set her free! She is a Child of God. Easter!

On this Good Friday - and every day - I am going to try to remember to celebrate Jesus' victory over death the way I imagine they celebrate in Heaven. Will you join me?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 

(I Peter 1:3)

Reflections

Romans 8 was Araella's favorite chapter. Each time I read it, something new calls out to me. Today it seems to caption these reflections from my heart:

When we first moved into our townhouse, Araella was not quite five. And, although she was fairly tall for her age, I remember clearly how she stood at the bathroom sink as I was getting ready to hang a decorative mirror.  "A little lower Mommy. A little lower. There. Now I can see me." That mirror still hangs awkwardly low in our powder room. It makes me smile at the memory of Araella on her tippy-toes trying to see herself that day. The memory of her sweet reflection feels like sunshine. A refection of wonder, innocence, melodies, rhymes, goodness, trust, gentleness, and kindness... 

That mirror also makes me pause and think of her reflection the last time she stood in front of it. I can see her trying to hide how much pain she was in. I can see her eyes asking for help. I can see her resolve as I stood there, washing her back with a warm washcloth, wondering what to say... Her reflection wasn't capable of expressing everything that was Rae that day... behind it were thoughts, dreams, fears, lyrics, poems, wishes, joys, sorrows, bruises, scars, regrets, questions, longings, love and faithfulness... behind that reflection was Araella.  

Behind that reflection of a broken body was the Spirit that gives life. Behind that reflection was Rae suffering, yet believing in justice, holding on to unseen hope, and having patience. Waiting for healing and freedom and glory to be revealed. Behind that reflection was a hero.

Behind every reflection - behind every photo - is a child of God. You. The you that is fearfully and wonderfully made. The you that is an heir to a Kingdom. The you that is a conqueror. The you that NOTHING can separate from the love of God. (The undeserved, unending love of the King of kings!)

It is a gift to be loved by Him. It was a gift to have had the chance to love Rae when she was here in the flesh. And oh how I look forward to loving her in her resurrected body someday! It is also a gift to have a heart that is overflowing with love for you - my adopted brothers and sisters!!! Mm-hmm, I am looking forward to GREAT BIG family reunions when we are all there together! 

YOU have an invitation to the reunion from the King! (If you are not quite sure how to get there, call me and I will help you with directions because google.maps doesn't have that one figured out.)

I Cherish You

The other day I found a little "mama love" doodle in Araella's lecture notes from March 2018, I listened to her sing Reckless Love from a phone recording she made on April 6, and I held a piece of pottery she sculpted with her hands in high school...

There are so many things that Araella created during her time here and each one is a treasure - a piece of her life that represents who she was. (Insert the sounds of a record player scratching to an abrupt stop.) It has been so difficult to put my thoughts into words since April 15th because of the word was - it just doesn't sit right with me... So, do I change the word and say "who she is."  No, that doesn't feel right either - because saying who she is implies that I really understand who she is in Paradise, which I don't.  (Hmm, maybe I just began to understand why God is described as being the Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come...)

Ok, back to the subject of cherishing...

I spent the day going through some of the things Araella created... The folders she created on Pinterest, the playlists she created on Spotify, the sentences she created in cards and letters... as you can imagine, I remember and cherish her through each one - especially her written words.

And that is when I heard His voice in my heart.  "Joelle, I also created things for you to remember Me."  And I thought about daisies, and colorful leaves, the wind, and sunsets, the ocean, and birds, and Sukee... Everything He created. Everything! His written Word.  God created the Heavens (where Araella is now) and the earth (where we are)... I started to feel encouraged about looking beyond the things that Araella had created to the things He has created... and then, because I think I had still missed the point, I heard Him say, "And I created people for you to cherish."

As I type this now I think... Araella. I cherish Araella. Why couldn't I keep cherishing Rae here?! And a memory interrupts my questioning. Remember... Remember Araella's resolutions? The ones her roommates shared at the service? One of them was, "Love God by loving His people."  

People wonder how I am doing it... I don't know really, but a big part of it is love. I am embraced by a magnificent mingle of love from the people in my life and the people in Rae's life. Gosh, I really do love them! I love you all so much! And so I resolve that, while I am on this side of eternity, I will love Rae by loving her people - and I will love God by loving His people. 

I cherish you.

Rae's Resolutions:
1. Answer the call to pray for others
2. Be bold in my faith
3. Simplify my life... God is all that matters
4. Rest in His Peace
5. Love God by loving his people
6. Grow in an intimate relationship with God

My Araella Dream

Last night I had a nightmare. 

After sharing my sorrow and restlessness with one of Araella's friends over a 5:28 am text, I was blessed with some peaceful hours of sleep.  And when I woke, I knew why.  She had prayed for me. And in a returned pre-dawn text, she reminded me of a song and of His promises and I found myself being lifted from the mire and standing on the Truth. (As I type I am thinking of how Araella referred to having her head lifted and her feet firmly planted in her written prayers from March 2018... As soon as she was old enough to talk about the lyrics in songs and the Words in the Bible, Rae began to behold that Jesus was her ROCK! She collected rocks from playgrounds, deserts, beaches... Oh how easy it is to stray off topic when thinking about Araella!)  After being awake for a few hours, tears and turmoil behind me for a time, I found myself sharing the dream that I had this summer with another dear friend of Araella's - and I thought maybe you would like to know it too...

Let me premise this description by saying that the whole dream was probably 30 seconds, but my account always takes much longer. (This is the only Araella dream I have had.) When I woke, I wrote notes so that I would never forget... I know now that I never will because months have passed, and it is still vivid in the eyes of my heart.  I will do my best to put those details into words so that you can partake in the joy and comfort that it gives to me.

It was the kind of dream where the dreamer sees themselves in the dream from a third person, omniscient-type perspective. I was the interpreter of the dream within the dream if that makes sense.  (Sorry, it is a little hard to explain which is probably why I haven't tried to write it down before today.) There were no spoken words.

         

In the dream, I was sitting in a large, bright hall. (As if the hall was filled with natural, sparkling, sun light - maybe compared to a cloudless day at the beach - but I don't remember any windows.) I was sitting on a bench against the left side and at the end of the hall was a tall counter. 

I could see a person standing at the counter and I was overjoyed because I knew immediately that it was Araella. 

She was standing on her tiptoes with her arms up on the counter. It looked like her chin was probably resting on her hands. Her hair was long and straight. I surmise that she was wearing a light colored tunic or a dress but I do not recall any details of her attire other than seeing about 5 inches of black legging capris that were covering each of her calves.

I understood that she was getting an assignment.

After a time, Araella turned on her heal to the right. It was a graceful, almost slow, movement that revealed her cheek first, and then her eye, and then the corner of her lips which were leading into wide smile. As she turned I could see that her face was shining with a bright joy that is hard to explain. She was smiling, but it was more than that. It was a radiance that I have never seen. And then she began to run. A moment passed before she became aware that I was there. She did not stop but slowed for a second and looked at me. She gave me a sweet smile as if to say a million things... And I seemed to understand a million things in that moment. (Outside of the dream, all I can remember understanding is that she loves me, but that she had to go do something important.) 

Then she brightened again, refocused on what was in front of her, and ran toward it.

And I woke up. I woke up with the knowledge that Araella is really, really happy and really, really busy. And I believe that with my whole heart. I know that the setting and the clothing etc. where the human parts of the dream - there to help me with interpretation. But the light that I glimpsed was not of this earth. And Rae's joy and purpose were equally unrivaled to anything I have known here.  

This was the song I was reminded of this morning... a song I believe Rae left for me to find... A song for everyone that is missing her or someone else they love dearly. If you love Jesus, you're gonna be okay. "I know your heart is heavy from those nights, but just remember that you are a fighter and you're stronger than you know. When the night is closing in, don't give up, and don't give in. This won't last, it's not the end, it's not the end. You're gonna be ok." 

The 'end' is a place that is filled with light and joy and purpose beyond our understanding. Someday we will be better than okay! Until then, Jesus taught that we are supposed to do our best to bring that place here - on Earth as it is in Heaven - like Rae did 💛