Dear Westward Dream,

For so long I have been talking about going west... to Arizona, to Hawaii, to India... Yes, I could also travel east to India, but you get the idea =]  

Araella is 4 hours west, happily and healthily tucked away at university. She has encouraged me to go - promising to visit me. Friends in Arizona have offered opened doors - I even have a key to one of those doors hanging beside my house key here, in Pennsylvania, where friends and family have championed me to follow my heart even if that takes me far away. Honestly, I could not ask for more supportive people in my life. So why haven't I followed my westward dream?

What have I been doing for the past year-and-a-half besides being Rae's mom? Basically, putting myself though school - just as I planned to do when I resigned from teaching - but for free! I have been studying and learning so much from the written and spoken words of experts who have shared knowledge through their books and videos. Crazy how that desire for more wisdom was fulfilled without spending one penny on higher education. Hooray for the public library and the world wide web! It is with a deeper understanding of concussions, cancer, health, healing, nutrition and the Bible that I find myself satisfied with my "sabbatical" and ready to go back to work. But where? Arizona? Hawaii? India? Why haven't any of my really good ideas come to fruition? 

... Because, I was waiting for direction from Him. Araella was hearing Him so clearly and I was convinced that I should hear from Him like that also. Admittedly, I was at times frustrated with the silence, however I was also at peace knowing that I would eventually understand His Will. He was, after all, taking care of us during the waiting. (Oh how sweet it was to rest in Him, to allow Him to restore my soul, and to prepare a table before me during these months instead of fretting and wasting the gift of time that I had been given to spend with Him. How easy it could have been to get caught up in the world of worry that beckoned outside the door each day. For Araella's healing and for that rest I am most thankful.)

I have learned, over the past 11 months especially, to listen to God. I realize the reason I wasn't hearing Him tell me where I should go was because I wasn't supposed to be going anywhere! He had me EXACTLY where I needed to be - with Araella. All of my efforts to plan for the "next stage of my life" were ridiculous really. I only want to do His Will and I acknowledge that my way is incredibly short sighted and inferior. He was silent about where I should go - until this week, when I finally heard Him call me to go west - 15 miles west actually. 

Through a conglomeration of circumstances that only God could orchestrate, I was offered a position to teach in Middletown. And I enter this gate with thanksgiving in my heart - willing to serve, with gladness, the students 15 miles westward.

Fondly forever,
A dreamer

Cheers!

Have you ever heard parents cheering for their children during a sporting event? Have you considered the way fans "cheer" for the players on collegiate and professional teams? There are different types of cheers that kids hear… eliciting a wide array of feelings I’m sure…

Let’s pretend for a minute that life is a game and our Father is cheering us on. What might that sound like? Imagine God cupping His hands around his mouth and shouting these things for you…

You are my child! (Galatians 3:26)

My spirit is in you!  (I Corinthians 6:19) That's serious "superhero," better-than-enhancment-training kind of power!!!

You will do good things! (Ephesians 2:10)

You are forgiven! (I John 1:9) No mistake in the game is too big.

I love you! (Romans 5:8)

You don’t belong here! (LOL - Philippians 3:20) Ok, lets face it, we have all had those Beam-me-up-Scotty moments when we just want to get out of a situation… Someday =]

You are an heir to my kingdom! (Romans 8:17) WooHoo!!! Better than a gold medal, trophy, ring, prize money…

You can do all things! (Romans 8:28)

The evil one can’t touch you! (I John 5:18) Take that opposition!!!

You will be triumphant! (Corinthians 2:14) YES!!! Nothing like knowing the outcome of the game =]

I don’t know about you, but when I imagine God cupping His hands around his mouth and shouting those things, my heart skips a beat in joy and it is hard not to smile, be encouraged, and feel confident. Isn’t that what cheering should do?  

So, today I encourage you to listen to your Father’s cheers for you despite the score of the game or how you are performing in life at the moment. And, I encourage you to cheer for others in His likeness.

Update - Araella is listening to His cheers and walking in those promises daily. She is also fortunate to have your cheering continue to echo in her life as she navigates studies as a nursing student and allocates overflowing joy to friends and activities at university. She continues to take supplements based on blood work, avoid processed sugar, and prioritize sleep (most of the time). I will write a more detailed update when I have more details to report. Until then we are filled with thanksgiving for undeserved blessings, healing, mercy and grace. God is so good.

Wild for a Cure

Araella really wanted to accept the invitation to speak here tonight, but couldn’t bring herself to do so just yet. I understood her difficult decision this week as I started to think about what I would say in her place…

As many of you know, Araella – a 2016 graduate from EAHS – was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer that had spread to her lymph nodes in August. She was 18 years old and the news was delivered the day before we were supposed to leave for her freshman orientation at Waynesburg University.

What some of you might not know, is that the story really began a few months earlier, in February, when Araella was in an accident and suffered a serious concussion along with some trauma to her chest from the seatbelt or the steering wheel.  We are not sure of the details because Araella was unconscious for a short time and does not remember the accident.

I am by no means saying that the accident caused the cancer, but Araella believes that part of the reason the cancer grew so quickly inside of her was because of the stress, the loneliness, and the self pity that she felt during the end of her senior year (which she completed from home). Add to that all of the medication she was on to help with concussion symptoms as well as a less than healthy diet and you have what she believes was a perfect situation for cancer to grow.

Araella felt something growing inside of her shortly after prom.  She mentioned it to a few friends who assured her it was just hormonal. They believed she was too young for it to be anything else! When Rae mentioned it to me in July, I also assumed it was a benign nuisance. By then though, it had grown enough that it was noticeable in a bathing suit - so, we scheduled the first available appointment in August figuring the surgery to have it removed would probably be over Christmas break…  Needless to say, a cancer diagnosis was not what we were expecting.

Going home and unpacking all of Araella's college bins was almost unbearable.  And saying goodbye to everyone that WAS leaving for college was heartbreaking for Rae, but she was tired of feeling sorry for herself and decided to handle this setback with more strength and dignity than the concussion.  Araella seemed to have an almost immediate clarity about what she was going to do.  Among other things, she decided to stop eating all processed sugar and to stop taking all of her medications. The next major hurdle was to decide where to get her treatment.  As an 18 year old, Araella’s medical expenses could have been covered by Four Diamonds, however she was advised to treat the cancer that was growing inside of her as an adult rather than in a pediatric setting.  So, we began the task of seeking the best place for her treatment.

We ended up going to CTCA in Chicago where Araella’s desire to have nutrition play a major role in her treatment could be done along with chemotherapy.  At each place that we went to seek opinions on her treatment, I brought up my concerns about the lingering effects of her concussion and my apprehensions about “chemo brain” making it worse. It was at CTCA that the health of her  brain was addressed.  A nurse mentioned a new treatment that could prevent Araella from losing her hair, and more importantly, could protect her brain during chemotherapy. The answer, the Dignicap, was one of the things that insurance would not cover. I sent out a brief text to my mom and two other Etown Mom’s and within minutes I had responses from all three of them saying that the cost would be covered.  It is difficult to explain those moments, but I will never forget the tears in the nurse's eyes and the resolve in Araella's posture when I said, “Araella’s town is going to cover the cost.”

And it is for that reason I am here tonight.  To thank everyone who raised funds to save Araella’s hair  -  and to protect her brain  -  and to provide her with vitamins and supplements that have kept her from getting even the sniffles at school this semester.

To thank you also, for your prayers. Araella felt them. I felt them. Even before the chemotherapy treatments were completed, the 9 x 4 cm cancerous tumor that was once inside of her had disappeared. And in its place, Araella has been filled to overflowing with attributes including those mentioned in Christopher’s Four Diamonds story.

As I thought about your "Wild for a Cause" THON theme, I was reminded of a Cherokee Legend about two wolves that are fighting inside of each of us.  One is evil, the other is good… and as the legend goes, the one that wins - is the one you feed.

Feed courage and there is no room for fear.

Feed wisdom and there is no room for doubt.

Feed honesty and there is no room for falsehood.

Feed strength and there is no room for infirmity.

Elizabethtown teams, clubs, groups, families and individuals - thank you for helping to feed Araella’s courage and strength. There is so much power in what you did for her – and in what you are doing for Four Diamonds families. As you are THONing to feed the courage and strength of others tonight, don't neglect to feed the good within yourselves.  FTK, for Araella, and for each of you <3

This post was written for the Elizabethtown High School "Wild for a Cure" mini-THON on March 10 where I spoke on Araella's behalf while she played BINGO on the other side of the state at WU =] Speaking wasn't easy, but the students cheered when I mentioned the tumor disappearing and I will carry that feeling with me for a long time!

Lost in an Ocean

Araella emailed me late last night and asked me to share her thoughts:

Tonight was my second night attending Waynesburg's contemporary church service called The Upper Room. They played a song called 'Sometimes' by David Crowder. I was surprised I never heard the song before and I have been playing it on repeat since I got back to my dorm. Being here for 2 weeks now, waking up in a dorm every morning, going to classes, hanging out with the people I am with, and now this song have put many deep thoughts on my mind. God is really pushing me to share these thoughts even though I don't really want to…  But I mean since its God… here I am typing away when my original plan for the night was to make flash cards for anatomy lecture 4. 

Every morning I feel so lucky when I open my eyes and see these cinder block walls haha... My Granny got me a devotion that I purposely placed right beside my medicine. I actually have a shelf dedicated to my Bible, my prayer journal, my devotional and my medicine... because God is really all the medicine I need. I read the devotion before I even brush my teeth, and if you know me, you know I like to feel at least a little put together before I do anything. It never fails to speak truth and relate to the day ahead of me. I am falling in love with God and it’s an indescribable feeling.

Next thought was, why am I not as stressed as I feel like I should be. Well, to hear everyone complain about being in class, or having to learn the little crevices and bumps on a bone at first was relatable, and then one night it broke my heart. I cried to my roommate Nicole for a while about it. I didn't really know what was wrong until it just hit me that I am so lucky to be here. I have looked forward to being in the position I am in not only for the past couple of months, but ever since I was a little kid. Honestly, for a little while I wasn't sure if it was in the plan for me to go to college. Cancer taught me to lean on God fully, and leaning on God fully taught me to take, not even one day at a time, but to take and LOVE and use every minute and to not wish yourself anywhere else but that minute. It was like someone splashed cold water in my face and now I can't complain at all for being here and having the privilege of learning what I am learning. God kinda was like, "Girl I created those bones and those holes and those bumps and indents - be appreciative!" My psych professor said something the other day that has also stuck in my mind, she said that no one (other than God) knows you completely. No one will ever know exactly what your day was like no matter how in depth you describe it because no one was there other than you. And I thought how cool is that... that you are the only one who can appreciate the exact moment you are in. My English professor is teaching us that in order to write better we need to see better... and at first I was like, ew weird. But through reading a REALLY descriptive essay about an orange and some other short essays I have noticed myself looking at everything in more depth. And even though I am trying my best to describe my thoughts, I am still the only one (other than God) who knows exactly what this feels like.. I wish everyone could feel how I feel. I feel so lucky and I love how God transformed my eyes to see literally everything and love the minute I am in.

This Friday I went to Winter Jam with my friends Gabbi, Brooke and Nicole. It was amazing to be crazy, worship and love Jesus with other people right beside me. Someone even spilled salsa down the front of the shirt (thanks Nicole) I was wearing and I was like...well that’s unfortunate but hey not gonna let it ruin the night! It created a super weird bonding moment between Brooke and I in the bathroom actually haha. But anyway, most of the night was just pure fun and worship until Tenth Avenue North played, "I Have This Hope" ... you know how when you want to water your garden and so you crank the hose and water shoots out really suddenly without much warning?... Well yeah, it was a similar experience. Songs really speak to me and bring back emotions I haven't felt for a while or thought I haven't been able to express (I mean these words were all inspired by a song I heard tonight, which I’ll get to in a little) Gabbi reached over and had her arm around me the whole song which, was like a hug from God. I feel so blessed to have these girls in my life and I have only known 2 of them for a little over a week. (I Have This Hope is a song mentioned in previous blogs… Araella and I played it constantly to help deter fear over the past few months.)

Now onto the song from tonight, read these lyrics and really think about it:

"It’s Your love that we adore, it’s like a sea without a shore, were lost in You."

"Just set your sail and risk the ocean"

UM WOW. So ... "It’s like a sea without a shore, we’re lost in You."  I don't know about you, but the image of being lost in an ocean is beautiful, scary, lovely, terrifying, amazing… all the adjectives I can think of. It would be so peaceful but there would be short little moments of, OMG WHERE AM I WHEN AM I GOING TO GET BACK TO LAND…. oh wow look at that sunset…. AHH WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN…. ooo look a dolphin…. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. wow the sea goes on forever it’s like a blank slate…. I’M LOST…. oh right, I’m okay, Gods got this. "Just set your sail and risk the ocean"... I picture a cute little person calmly packing their things on a neat little boat and pushing off the land not making too much of a ruckus, maybe stirring the water a bit and sailing off into the sunset. Yeah in reality though... if you knew that you'd be lost in an ocean it wouldn't be like that would it... I mean I kinda got catapulted onto my boat without my belongings, making a tidal wave that knocked out half the population, sailing into shark infested water and maybe a rip tide in there somewhere... but it’s the best thing that happened to me because otherwise I never would have set sail… These few words from this song might be the most powerful, meaningful, breathtaking thing I have heard in awhile. Being lost in God’s ocean is exactly where I am, and I could not be more at peace with my life.

God told me to put the note cards down and write... I did not know what was going to come of this, but here it is!

I'm so glad you put down your note cards and decided to risk the ocean tonight Araella <3

Miraculous Madness

Araella texted me late on the evening of January 15th:

"God is asking me to do hard things… I will call you tomorrow."

I have learned patience over the past 5 months.  At one point I told Rae that I would not push her with questions anymore because I trusted the communication that was happening between Rae and God. I trusted it more than any thing else actually. Oh, it wasn't easy at first… to give up that control… but soon I realized that surrender brought more peace and confidence than anything I could have mustered up as a human depending on other humans…  And so, once again, I closed my eyes not knowing what God was asking her to do next.  

On Monday morning after her classes, she called:

Why is it harder to listen to God about something small like lacrosse than it was to listen to him about cancer? 

I'm supposed to study and become a nurse.  I'm supposed to play my violin in The Upper Room... I am not supposed to play lacrosse - even though I want to.  Even though it is everything I wanted… I am sorry that I made you send my lacrosse stuff."

Through happy tears, "That's ok Rae.  That's ok." 

"The Upper Room was awesome. Look up 'Here Now' by Hillsong."

And just like that she was off to study…  Leaving me with a song and with lyrics and more miraculous madness <3

It makes no sense but this is grace

And I know you're with me in this place

Faith makes a fool

of what makes sense

Madness

Still my heart

Let Your voice be all I hear now

Spirit breath 

Let the wind come, have Your way

  

Thy Will Be Done

As of Monday, Araella is officially a Waynesburg University student and she is taking delight in each moment.  Before updating you more on Araella, many of you have asked how I am doing… and I can honestly say that I have been building a treasury of only positive emotions all week because Araella is blessing me with glimpses of her all consuming joy. I guess it would be typical to feel emptiness or loneliness, but I can't fathom giving those emotions permission to play in the current movement of Araella's life song. Her joy is literally bubbling over and making it impossible to do anything but smile when I think of her =]

On August 16, the day before Araella was supposed to move in to her college dorm, this unexpected journey began. And so it seems fitting that it ended the day before she actually moved in on January 8. Wow, was that really a little less than five months?! It is incredible really… everything that happened in 145 days… You might be wondering why I say that the journey ended the day before Araella moved to college. Well, I say that because on that day, she shared her story at SEARCH. And that testimony seemed to wrap it all up. The written version of her talk is 11 pages long, honest and filled with beautiful and painful moments.  I hope she someday writes a book and shares it all with everyone.  But for now, she has permitted me to share the ending with you:

"God has healed me and I am simply doing what He asks of me.  I wake up every day knowing that the plan for me could be drastically changed in an instant or that God will ask me to go and do something else, but no matter how simple or how crazy it is, I will follow.  Prayer is direct communication with the one who works miracles, and I will be leaving this retreat early on Sunday so that on January 9, when classes begin at Waynesburg University, I will be there.

I leave you with the most valuable lesson I have ever learned - that came out of all of this.  Pray… no matter if it is as big as cancer or as little as asking for the perfect end to your Search talk.  God has it under control. He is holding you in His mighty hands. No matter what comes your way, He has a plan for your life that is bigger and better than anything you could ever think of or plan for yourself.  I challenge you that next time you pray, instead of asking God for your plan to work out, pray that He shows you the way and reveals His plan.  Tell Him you are willing to be His hands and His feet to do His works. Give your life to Him and let Him use it for His good and His will.  God's got you. Where humans cannot physically be, He is there, and you are never alone. He is your best friend."

During her talk, Araella also shared a song. The song, Thy Will Be Done, helped Araella to feel peace when fear threatened. The lyrics really do tell her story and the four words in the title are the simple prayer that she repeats over and over again each day. His plans are for her. Goodness He has in store!

Araella experienced the presence of God in some dark and scary places. She was in a lion's den and she was in a fiery furnace - but God sent his angel to protect her from harm. When she was walking through the valley of the shadow of death He was with her, His Word and His Spirit comforted her. A very wise man once said, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will direct your paths."Proverbs 3:5-6  That is how Araella navigated the path and conducted this part of her life symphony. If it is ever composed, I imagine it will be titled, "Thy Will Be Done." 

It won't be titled, "Fighting Cancer," or "Rae Strong" because it isn't all about cancer or Araella. It is about a good God who wanted to be closer to His child. It is about a good God who planned on revealing more of Himself to all of us during the battle. We are fortunate to be the prayer warriors that witnessed Araella slaying a giant!

Notice the blender in the lower left hand corner of the picture. Araella is continuing with her organic, raw, whole food diet and toxic free living as best she can at school. Essential oils, supplements, water, sunshine, sleep, exercise, faith, prayer, forgiveness, laughter, thankfulness, and giving to others are all part of her personal healing regimen. You have to appreciate all of that beautiful hair in the pony tail!!! And the turtle? For many years Araella has collected turtles. The turtle symbolizes emotional strength, ancient wisdom, determination and peace even in the midst of chaos.

Araella and her roommate Nicole.  (Not pictured: Brooke, Evelyn, Gabbi, and so many others at WU who have made Rae smile this week.)

Timeline/Update:
June 2016 - Araella noticed a lump and talked to a few friends about it.
July 2016 - Araella told me about the mass because it was growing. Appointment scheduled.
Aug. 5 - Araella's doctor ordered an ultra sound to get more information
Aug.9 - Ultrasound. After review of the images a biopsy was ordered to get more information.
Aug. 12 - Biopsy of mass
Aug. 16 - Biopsy Results and diagnosis of a 9x4 cm mass as Her2+ breast cancer. 
Aug. 16 - Araella made immediate changes to her diet, stopped taking all synthetic medication, detoxed…
Aug. 16 - Araella, Mom and I pray for healing Matt.18:19 Araella whispered, "Thy will be done" at the end.
Aug. 17 - CT Scan
Aug. 18 - BONE Scan
Aug. 19 - MRI, Biopsy of lymph nodes 
Aug. 23 - Meet with doctors at Lancaster General
Aug. 24 - Second Opinion at John Hopkins
Aug. 30 - Travel to CTCA in Chicago, PET scan, blood work, cardio assessment...
Sept. 4 - 1st chemotherapy infusion with Dignicap at CTCA 
Sept. 4 - Araella and I begin to really feel the prayers of the village James 5:14-15
Sept. 6 - Araella reports that the mass seems to be half the size!
Sept. 16 - Araella reports the 9x4 cm mass is COMPLETELY GONE and everything seems normal!
Sept. 27 - 2nd chemotherapy infusion, vitamin infusion, and supplements based on blood work at CTCA
Oct. 18 - 3rd chemotherapy infusion, vitamin infusion, and supplements based on blood work at CTCA
Nov. 8 - 4th chemotherapy infusion, vitamin infusion, and supplements based on blood work at CTCA
Dec. 6 - vitamin infusion, supplements based on blood work at CTCA
Jan. 5 - vitamin infusion, supplements continued (Araella is still experiencing side effects from chemotherapy)
Jan. 7 - SEARCH retreat testimony on prayer
Jan. 8 - Move in to Waynesburg University
Feb. Spring Break - vitamin infusion, follow-up Scan(s), supplements based on blood work… Thy Will Be Done.